Why Going To The Doctor Is A Last Resort For Me

This photo is a diagram representing the test that was performed on me.  This is why going to the doctor is my last resort. However, despite my best efforts, I could not make it to work every day while I was sick.  I had a cold that started around September 16th.  (It's my birthday cold, I get one every year.)  My wife kept urging me to go to the doctor.  I did what every good husband does... I ignored her for two weeks, then went in when I thought I might die.  Oh what a hassle that began:

I left work at 10 am, and went straight to the nearest urgent care.  There were about 20 people already waiting to see the doctor, hacking, coughing, sneezing, and whatever else.  I decided I would just go home and see if I felt better.  After a couple of hours, I was feeling even worse.

I took a trip from home to the nearest clinic.  Turns out they don't have an urgent care, just an emergency room.  The difference would be a couple of hundred dollars out of pocket for my insurance.  I ain't gonna die that quick, so I ended up getting a walk in appointment at the clinic for an hour later.

So, I sat and waited around for an hour.  The nurse finally called me in.  She took my pulse, temperature, blood pressure and everything else.  My blood pressure was high.  There's a big shock.  I had been walking around the clinic, stressed out, feeling crappy, etc.  No wonder why my blood pressure was a little high.  (Plus I just have anxiety about the Dr.)

She leaves and says the nurse practitioner will be in shortly.  Shortly meaning about 30 minutes or so, because that's what it ended up being.  Before even asking why I was in, the Nurse Practitioner starts hounding me about my blood pressure.  It's too high!  It's too high!  I explained to her that it's always higher when I'm at the doctor's office, and it will go down as soon as I leave.

She asks me about my symptoms, diagnoses me with bronchitis, and then tests me for whooping cough.  Apparently it's going around.  Oh and by the way, here's the test for whooping cough:  They take a 6 inch long coat hanger with a swab at the end of it, stick it all the way up your nose until it hits the back of your head, and then jab it a few times.  Meanwhile, during this, they tell you not to move...  It's a pretty bad test.  See this:

They say they will let me know the test results tomorrow (Tuesday) whether it's positive or negative.  3 days later, I haven't heard a peep.

After that, she orders me a couple of prescriptions and sends it to my pharmacy.  Knowing my pharmacy is really slow, I wait over an hour to go there for my prescription.  I tried to call ahead, but after pushing 10 buttons on the automated phone system I gave up.  I got to the pharmacy, waited in line for 10 minutes, and found out my prescription wasn't quite ready.  They said come back in 10 minutes.

So, I went back to the end of the line, waited another 15 minutes in line now, and they said my prescription was ready!  Finally!  I can get my medicine and go home!  Wait a minute... they lost one of my prescriptions...  It will be another 10 minutes.

That's why I hate going to the doctor.