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9 Random Thoughts About Shopping From A Guy

Gettyimages/Dan Kitwood

I made a milestone this weekend.  For the first time ever, I didn’t get lost in the mall.  I actually knew where I was going, and how to get there.   I’ve never been a good mall shopper.  I don’t like crowds, I don’t like standing in line, and I don’t like spending money.  The mall is just not my cup of tea.

Saturday my wife asked me to go shopping with her and I agreed to go with little whining.  I did need some new clothes, it’s been a while.  Here’s some thoughts that entered my mind while shopping.

1.  Whatever idiot came up with “slim fit” pants should be slapped in the face.  Real men don’t wear slim fit pants, you can’t work in them. 

2.  Athletic cut shirts are for skinny guys with no muscles.  Or they have the perfect model muscles that don’t really work… they just look good.

3.  My size pants still aren’t in the big n tall section… Thank god.  My goal is to stay out of there.

4.  Don’t crop dust in a really small clothing store, it will linger near you wherever you go.

5.  The only thing more awkward than going into Victoria’s Secret, is awkwardly waiting outside of it for your wife.

6.  It’s a damn crime that they don’t have clearance shoes in size 13. 

7.  They should have hand sanitizer dispensers throughout the mall.

8.  The few benches that are in the mall are always occupied by either bored looking men, or people with oxygen tanks.

9.  How is it I could get air dropped in the middle of the woods with a compass and a beef stick and find my way out, but I can’t make it from JC Penny to Sears without getting turned around?

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