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The Life Stages Of Celebrating St. Patrick’s Day

(Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images)

You’re average drinker has several stages in their drinking career.  (If you call it that, you can’t call yourself a drunk… you’re working towards some goal.)  A great way to measure your maturity with adult beverages is how you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.  Let’s start with the college days.

College days St. Patrick’s- “Get as drunk as you can on whatever there is around and who cares what I have to do tomorrow.”  Those were the days, when you didn’t need to get up early for the next day and you only had 15 dollars.  You’re options usually were cheap $7 bottles of vodka, terrible, cheap whiskey, and Natural ice.  You may or may not remember getting home.  Thankfully those days are behind us, though they were fun.

Joining The Workforce St. Patrick’s- This period of time represents the first couple of years where you got a job and you were trying to strike that balance between responsibility and having a great time.  Often you failed, and you ended up on the receiving end of a really bad hangover, trying to adapt to your new adult life.  You could finally go to the bar on St. Patrick’s Day.  Maybe even buy some Guinness and do an Irish car bomb.  You were moving up in the world.  You’d remember getting home, and you probably even tucked yourself into bed.

BAM!  PARENTHOOD St. Patrick’s Day- The Life Stages Of Celebrating St. Patrick’s Day -There may be a few missing steps in between these two, but man nothing is as big as this.  If you’re lucky… and I mean really lucky… you can find a babysitter and go out with some friends.  However, your night is like an hour glass running out of sand.  You already know you have to be home by 10 PM, and that’s if everything goes right with the sitter.  At any given point you have to have an exit strategy to get back home.  Gone are the wild days, and here are the boring adult days.  You’ll probably end up staying home, putting on a stupid hat, and eating green cupcakes.  Don’t worry, you’ll still enjoy this because spending time with your kids is special.  But there will be an inner leprechaun that is crying inside of you, feeling like you wasted one of the greatest holidays.

Empty Nester St. Patrick’s Day-  Once the kids leave the house, you may feel like going out again and celebrating, but you won’t have a clue where to go.  You’ve been out of the game for so long, you’ll drive around and look for bars that have nice Buicks parked out in front.  That way you’ll know there will be someone your age there!  And you’ll be back home in time for the 10 o clock news.

Retirement-  Congratulations, you’ve made it to the end, and you can celebrate St. Patrick’s Day back like you used to.  Only problem is you can’t anymore because of all the medication you’re taking.  What a joke.

Regardless of what life stage you find yourself in now, enjoy St. Patrick’s day responsibly.  Whatever you do, don’t drink and drive.  If there is one day of the year that you can easily find mass transit, it’s St. Patrick’s day.   No excuses.

 

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