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Skinny (breathe) Jeans

By: Chris Jackson/Getty Images

I strive to stay “in-style” as much as the next gal.  That’s easy to do with a 17 year old in the household, however, kids these days are killin’ me!  First came the cutesy tootsy baby T’s, HELLO, can you say “muffin top”?  THOSE were out!  Now this……

SKINNY JEANS!  Ok, so I thought, no problem, there’s hundreds to choose from, I should be able to get a comfortable pair that will be stylin’ and I’m good to go…..NOPE!

I selected a pair from the rack, headed to the fitting room and proceeded to break a nail, pull a muscle in my neck and dislocate an ankle trying to get them on.  Once on, I realized breathing was NOT an option, nor would I be dining in them….(I made a mental note to shave my legs to give me a little more room).  BUT, I was stylin’!

Putting them ON was one thing, taking them off was nearly impossible, but had to be done, since the blood and oxygen supply had been severely restricted and I was becoming light-headed.  I was contemplating asking for help from one of the sales assistance, when I realized starting at the top and rolling them down my thighs would work.  Until, of course, you get to the ankle, at which point I had to begin a pogo stick procedure that involved hopping up and down on one leg with the other trapped in the crook of (proudly) “my new skinny jeans”.   I was falling into the fitting room walls, grunting and tugging until someone knocked on the door to ask if I was alright.  “Oh yes!”  I said, not happy that I had to go through the whole ordeal again with the other leg!

Hallelujah! I had a muscle spasm in my back and had a bruised forehead from my not-so-graceful fall, but,I finally had them off!  Triumphant!

As I was slowly putting my old 80’s jeans back on, you know, the ones with the waist band that goes around your rib cage, I stared at  “my new skinny jeans”, inside out, in a heap, on the fitting room floor and thought to myself………  “you’re one lucky gal, they’re even on sale”!

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