I just ate a salad.  Yikes.  I'm hoping that I will still be able to keep my man-badge.  When I was growing up, men didn't eat salads.  With that social background, I've always considered salad to be a woman's food.  But we these helpful tips, other men and myself may be able to retain a since of dignity in our manliness.

  1. If you're going to eat a salad, it's gotta have meat.  If we were made to eat just greens, we wouldn't have canines!
  2. Croutons are a must.  We need to feel like we are breaking something with the power of our jaw.  It's one of the few empowering things about eating salads.
  3. Bacon.  Yes, I know I mentioned meat, but bacon is far more than meat.  It's in it's whole different salad necessity category.
  4. Cheese.  It's common knowledge that eating salads can "move things along".  Cheese helps bring this balance back and slow things back down.
  5. Dressing!  And non of that low fat crap.  We're already giving up a filling meal to cut calories, let's at least make it taste good.

Let's follow these guidelines, gentleman.  And if you're wife is making you eat salad, make sure to load it up with brocolli, eggs, and other stuff that will make you stink later.  It's the only ammunition we have.