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Up Your Trash Talking Game With the Best Non-Cursing Insults


It’s things like this that make us glad the Internet is in our lives.

A thread on Reddit asked people to share their best non-swearing insult. If you’re in the market for something to shut down someone in your life who has angered, annoyed, or frustrated you, you’d be wise to have some of these at the ready.

Whether you’re talking to someone you just met at a cocktail party about politics, dealing with that brother-in-law who somehow always manages to get under your skin or just some knucklehead in a bar, these are some A+ insults. And, bonus: there are no dirty words, so people will think you’re clever because you don’t rely on salty language for shock value to make your point.

So, read up and make a note of which ones you like best.

  • “Your grades say marry rich, but your face says study harder.”
  • “You haven’t been yourself lately. We’ve all noticed the improvement.”
  • “Straight from Shakespeare ‘I wish we could become better strangers.'”
  • “My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.”
  • “You’re impossible to underestimate.”
  • “You have an impeccable grasp of the obvious.”
  • “I envy people who haven’t met you.”
  • “Okay first of all, brush your teeth.”
  • “You are the human equivalent of a participation award.”
  • “You’re not pretty enough to be that dumb.”
  • “I dont know why you’re playing hard to get when you’re so hard to want.”
  • “You should eat the make-up. Then you can be pretty on the inside.”
  • “I wish we were better strangers.”
  • “You’ll never be half the man your mother was.”
  • “It’s better for people to think you’re an idiot than open your mouth and prove them right.”
  • “You aren’t being the person Mr. Rogers wanted you to be.”
  • “I hope you step in a puddle of water. With socks on.”
  • “You’re an assault on the senses.”
  • “May your bum be itchy and your arms be short.”

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