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9 Unwritten Laws of Bacon

Rosemary Buffoni

Bacon is a valuable item that should be treated as such.  A strip of bacon has probably more value than an American dollar.  Many of us follow a certain set of rules about bacon, whether we realize it or not.  I am sure you will agree with these unwritten laws of bacon.


Bacon Goes With Everything



Never in the history of man has there been a food item that wasn’t improved with the addition of bacon.  Never.



“Would You Like Bacon With That” YES!



When eating out, the server may ask you if you want to add bacon to your order.  The answer is always yes.



Community Plate of Bacon Division



Mom cooks up a plate of bacon and sets it on the table for everyone to share.  Everyone must divide the amount of bacon equally and place it on their plate so there are no hard feelings.

Anyone late to the table is out of luck.  Once the bacon touches your plate, it’s been claimed.



Don’t Complain About “Done-ness” of Free Bacon



Some people like bacon crunchy, others like it chewy.  When offered free bacon you will eat the bacon as it was prepared.  No one complains about free bacon.



Bacon Can be Eaten at Any Time of Day



Bacon can be consumed for all meals.  It also can be eaten as a snack at anytime.



There is No Such Thing As Leftover Bacon



Finish that plate, Sally.



Don’t Refer To Turkey Bacon as Bacon



There are worse things in the world than Turkey Bacon, but not many.

Don’t say, “We’re having bacon and eggs this morning,” and then offer up turkey bacon.  That’s not bacon.   It’s turkey bacon.   You just tricked me you deceitful, horrible person.



When Grocery Shopping, Don’t Leave It To Chance, Buy Bacon



Have you ever been shopping and said, “Should I pick up bacon?”

The answer is always yes.  You can never have enough.




Veggie Bacon Isn’t Bacon



There is no such thing as veggie bacon.  Sure you can find it and buy it, but it’s not bacon.  If you must find out yourself, go waste your money and try it.



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