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10 Tips To Cram As Much Food Humanly Possible In Your Belly On Thanksgiving

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I’m starving!  I can’t wait for Thanksgiving for one reason.  One day a year where I eat however much I want.  I plan on feeling miserable by 9pm.  It’s just a given that it’s going to happen, why try to avoid it.  My co-host has some tips to avoid packing on the pounds.  Why?  It’s one day… come on!  Let’s go all in!  Here’s some tips I’ve found over the years.

1.  Plan ahead to have either loose pants or elastic waistband. I shouldn’t even need to tell you this, it’s rookie stuff.  Sweatpants are kind of a no-no.  Let’s try to over eat in style, please.  Just wear your loosest pair of jeans or slacks.

2.  DON’T SKIP MEALS BEFORE THE BIG ONE! You may think you are giving yourself “extra room” for shoveling in the food, but in reality if you don’t eat anything ahead of time your stomach will shrink.  You’ll hardly be able to choke down a turkey leg.

3.  Have a strategic plan of attack for the meal. Everyone is different, so you’ll have to reflect a little on how foods affect you before you dig in.   For myself, I don’t get drowsy from turkey, I get drowsy from all the carbs.  Tryptophan isn’t what gets you, it’s actually the carb overload that makes you sleepy.   Plan accordingly, and for God sakes go easy on the rolls.  All they are is a filler!  Eat meats first, carbs second, and desert before you pass out.

4.  Drink lots of beer/alcohol. Alcohol lowers your blood sugar, causing you to be hungry.  Ever have the intense desire for bar pizza at midnight when you are out drinking?

5.  Location, location, location. At the dinner table make sure you’re not in a spot where you are going to constantly have to pass dishes around.  Or the worst spot on the table, in front of something you can’t pass.  Then you’re the poor sap stuck with dishing everybody up.  Don’t be in between anyone and the bathroom, because then you have to get up and let them out.

6.  Eat more, talk less. Don’t feel like you have to talk with your family.  If you don’t have anything important to say, keep shoving food in your mouth.

7.  Prepare a crash area. Much like drug users, you need a good place to crash after you come down from the turkey high.  You need to scope out an area before you start, or you’ll run out of time and pass out on the kitchen floor searching for an area.  My favorite spot is behind the couch, where people tend to not notice you.

8.  Be ready for the second wave. It’s a strange thing really.  You’ve eaten so much that you’ve sworn off food for ever.  Then a couple of hours later you start thinking you could eat again.  This is called “The Re-Birth.” It’s much like a zombie movie, where a person is killed, but hours later they come back alive moaning and groaning.  The similarities are striking.  Make sure there is still some left overs laying around, or thinks could get ugly.

9.  Stock up on toilet paper. It’s obvious, I don’t need to go any further.

10.  Go easy on the salt. This is actually a good idea.  The food you’re going to eat has enough sodium naturally.   If you’re someone who loads up on salt, you’re going to retain water after the meal.  That’s going to make you feel more bloated than you already will.  Let’s make sure whatever fullness you have isn’t water weight, but gravy weight.

 

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